If you care about what people think about you, you will end up being their slave. Reject and pull your own rope.
-Auliq Ice

This week I am meditating on what it means to know myself and the power that has to both protect me and push me to the next level of growth.

I was melting into a tree pose sequence and thinking about being in the land of my people’s pain and prosperity and like a little butterfly kiss I realized I was exactly where and who I was supposed to be no qualifications for my size, missed opportunities, detours. I was present.

This was one of those tiny/huge moments of release that meant so much because it was happening at home, a place that can be full of the ego. The desire to impress. The feeling of shame or pride. Hurt feelings. Miscommunication in the midst of deep love.

If you have been away from a place you call ‘home’ you might have had that feeling where you look around and everything is different and the yet the same.

Coming home is hard.

Especially after six years.

Especially as a grown woman in a culture that considers you your dad’s responsibility until you are your husband’s.

Le Sigh.

I study human and organizational (community development and psychology) and social ethics through the lens of the Womanism, that is, viewing the way society Treats black women globally and their responses as a source of deep wisdom and knowledge because in many ways they are the canary in the coal mine of society.

I am a known stranger visiting un/(family)-iar lands.

I have so much to say because of my training and yet feel so humbled because that is what the academy does – makes me assume I know best. Instead I have committed to the project of listening, which I think is more difficult, but also easy because I’m trying to remember/learn the language.

Now I will rescue this post from theoretical land and say, it has been so hard for me to inhabit my self since being here. I am a true bowl of GRITS – A Girl Raise In The South. I came out the womb dancing and basking in the light of stardom and by the time I hit 8 I was aware that to be a happy black girl offended the sensibilities of some people and I acquiesced.

So here I am. 20 years later. Knowing myself, my ancestors, my guides and my God, to fullness. That means fully inhabiting every inch of these size 22 polka dot shorts, speaking truth to power in love and with patience because I believe not only in authenticity but integrity and transformation.

Transformation is relational and burning bridges don’t make for great meeting points.

Coming home, when home isn’t paradise, tells you who you are because there is a subtle difference between ‘code switching’ and being ‘two-faced’ between ‘Speaking truth with integrity’ and ‘self/instantly gratifyihg authenticity’.

I think the difference is a bit of wisdom and grace and compassionate connection based on disconnection from the ego.

This week I am taking to the mat this acknowledgement and trust of my body, mind and soul. I’m committing to a flow practice where I don’t script my poses or try to ‘work’ on anything.

What are you taking to the mat this week?